QUITTING SMOKING!

OMFG what was I thinking quitting at a time like this. Well technically it was not my idea completely. I am going in for surgery tomorrow and well the Doc who is putting me under said I had to stop smoking Monday morning at 7am so here I am at 10am going nuts already.

I have no idea how I am going to make it through the next 24hrs till my surgery. Then I got the bright idea to just quit completely. Hello dumb right lol. Well let me enlighten you why this is such a bad time in my life to quit at least for another month or so.

Well my children sleep in the same room they are 4 and 2 yrs of age. The 2 yr old decides that it is a good time at bedtime to bug the holy hell out of his sister. I mean straight harass her. He gets in her bed stomps on her pillow lays ontop of her and basically does everything in his powers so she can't sleep. My daughter responds with screaming at the top of her lungs like someone is murdering her. It's wonderful.

The other reason this is a bad time is we just bought a house a little higher mortgage then we hoped for lmfao who am I kidding we bought a more expensive house then my parents have after being together for 20yrs hahahahahahaha lmfao.

Our move in date was supposed to be the end of August but let's face it that is too close to my daughter starting school again. So we are gonna try to have everything packed in less then a month plus paperwork plus my surgery all in 4 weeks.

So now I am trying to make my life more miserable for the next month by trying to quit smoking lmfao what the hell was I thinking. Let's face it bad time to quit smoking. My girlfriend is trying to convince me that any time in life is a bad time cause she quit smoking a little while ago and she is doing awesome but still damn it I don't wanna quit anymore.

Ok I think I am having an official mental breakdown. I wanna crawl out of my skin I wanna scream and jump and run around the room. Fuckin' Doc and his advice to stop smoking 24hrs before surgery what the hell is wrong with him. Damn him and his anti-smoking campaign.

I hate everyone right now. In fact I am fighting with my best friend of 15yrs on msn lmfao bout quitting. Ok we aren't really fighting but damn it she is right I know it but at the same time I wanna punch her in the face lol.

Ok I guess I will be blogging more again since I have something to say. I will let you all know how my surgery went. Oh ya I forgot, I am getting a tubal, for those not familiar it is where I get my tubes burnt shut so I can't have anymore kids. Yeahhhh I got two one girl one boy and that is good with me and hubby too. I told hubby if he wanted another kid to let me know but he would have to want it desperately and I would have one more for him.

Well that is all for now I am sure I have more to say but I don't wanna say it all now and have nothing left tomorrow.

I AM BACK!!!

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I need to rant just a little bit. My husband was gone for 10days with work he was told he was coming back to work with his original crew etc and we figured he was working around the city so he could at least be home every night and sleep in his own bed.

So he came home late Wednesday night at 9:30pm he was back at work at 8:30am Thursday which was no big deal he was still scheduled to work another 10days in order to get his 4days off etc. He called me from work at around 11am and told me that he was leaving town again....TODAY.

Ok now I don't know if the ppl who schedule the crews around etc realize that half these ppl have families that at some point they would like to see them.

I freaked I was so mad that they sent him home only to 12hrs later send him away again. I was so mad that I even told him to quit his job lol ok I know a little irrational but hell I was mad.

So he's been gone two days, we are on day number three now and supposedly he's coming home. As much as I love my husband I don't want him home for him to only leave again. So I am trying not to get too excited that he's coming home tonight cause you never know.

On a lighter note my lil S is doing wonderful. She was diagnosed with Autistic Spectrum Disorder 1 month ago and we are so proud of the way she is doing in school. She is learning sign language to help her communicate as that is her big hurdle right now is Speech. So her Aid is learning sign language and she is picking it up wonderfully.

We are all so proud of her and she is speaking and signing all at the same time so she is doing great. I am meeting with an aid for the summer on Monday to see if she will be S aid for the summer month while there is no school to take her to day camp etc. and to work with her at home. We are still waiting on funding for her speech therapy and OT for the summer. Shouldn't be much longer now I assume we should have an answer soon.

Well other then that same old same old here. My life revolves around my kids there is little time for me. So it has gotten to the point where I rarely even blog anymore its sad cause I enjoyed it so much.

All those BE friends I have missed you all and I hope to be visiting BE chat soon ;)

I NEED INSPIRATION!

I have not blogged in over a week now. I said in my other blog that I would and well I haven't so there. I have lost all lack of "want" for blogging.

Also what is the link to Bits website I seem to have misplaced it unless it hasn't been updated in forever then forget it. The last thing I read on there was like 2months ago bout her rant on it being her page and she can do what she wants with it except obviously update it all the time LMFAO

Ok enough being mean even though I feel it running through my veins right now and I so wanna tell most of you ppl out there where to stick it and move on with my life but here I am blogging.
I guess I gotta get back into blogging somehow and I figured ranting bout all the shit that pisses me off was a good place to start.

I hate whinny bitches and assholes (oh we need a word for guys that is just as bad as "cunts" and "bitches" by the way any ideas?)

I hate ppl who are on such a high horse bout not paying attention to the "lurkers" that yet their entire life revolves around the "lurkers" and what their latest gossip is about you. If you really didn't give a shit you wouldn't talk bout them every time you post something on your fuckin blog. Let's face it ppl all those that don't know how to stop paying attention to "lurkers" you give a shit what they say otherwise you wouldn't respond to everything they say whether it be in chat or on a website ranting.

Oh for all those who think I am the "lurker" HAHAHAHAHAHA you are dumber then I thought you were for being in chat all the fuckin time. If I had as much time as all of you to spend freakin bout who is a "lurker" and who isn't then I would find a fuckin hobby more constructive but I don't. My daughter was diagnosed with autism a month ago and I have been way too busy. She started school and outside activities for the past 3months and I don't have time to play your childish games anymore.

I HAVE A LIFE!!! Get over it and move on. Anyone who knows me, knows that I can't lurk for the life of me as I tend to give myself away after the first conversation lol and I just don't have the energy to hide and be sneaky I would rather tell you from ME what I think of you.

Ok now for tater and missy.....tater did you not learn from the last time you were fucked over by a chat chick or do we all have to remind you of what happened with Molly. Not bad mouthing molly otherwise that would be a whole other rant lmafo jk but damn it tater the chick isn't even herself in those pictures. She's stuck all kinds of things up her crotch for ppl on cam who knows how often she's done this. Think bout what you are doing Missy is a slut and always has been.

Thats all for now that I have heard from chat lol just heard it through the grapevines ;)

I know ppl don't like what I have to say and that's fine then STOP READING!!! LMFAO

Again it has been a while since I posted last. It has been insane here, James came back from Camp with work and ended up not working for the last two weeks which has made it stressful. I mean I don't mind him being home but I like money too lol and food.

I do have to say now that he's gone again for another 2-3 weeks I miss him already and he hasn't even been gone for 30min yet. How pathetic is that.

S is doing wonderful with her programs we are still waiting for the finalization of her funding on all her services but she is doing great in school. So great in fact I am not sure how to schedule all her Speech Therapy and her OT in her week since she goes to school 4days a week now.

Oh well I guess I will figure it out. In the meantime I guess I will do what I did while James was gone before, watch movies and indulge myself in blogging again since I have kind of lost the touch for it.

I know I know it's been a while since I last posted but life in the Shaffer house has been insane.

We had to take our S to the city 3hrs away to get her assessed. Her assessment came back that she has autistic disorder. It was the hardest for me to deal with the news. As any parent would know that there is nothing worse then having someone tell you something is wrong with your child.

We have now started all the paperwork for funding through our govt to get her a speech therapist, a special aid for school. The school has been wonderful as they are putting her in full time so she can be around kids and learn to socialize with them.

There are many things that are happening all at once and its exhausting but hubby and I are hopeful that she will be ok and be able to hold a job and live a somewhat normal life. We have read the different parts of autism and the characteristics of it and we are grateful that she doesn't have the extreme behavioral problems or twitching, etc. She basically has the delayed speech as her maine one that we have to get outside help with. Also her social skills are lacking so she is gonna be a busy girl with activities to get her out there socializing and interacting with other kids.

It seems she will start soccer soon (lmfao I am gonna be a soccer mom afterall) and in the fall we will start her on bowling as she loves that and her Opa will coach her.

Everything will be ok we are certain of that as we are working so very hard to do everything in our powers to get her to be ok and develop somewhat normal with her peers.

So that is where I have been in the last little while. Sorry I didn't tell anyone where I was going. Only one person knew where I had disappeared to.

Here is the other two pictures that it wouldn't let me post previous. Enjoy Aunty Rina....we lovee youuuuuuuu!! Smooches

Here are some pictures of S playing with her new toy that she received yesterday from her Aunty Rina. This is the GoGo TV Game.

She absolutely loves it. Thank you Aunty Rina!

A new toy that even mommy can play with the kids that isnt horribly boring lol after 5min.

Another death around me....do I look like the Grimm Reaper? Just curious.

So a friends of my mom's who used to babysit me when I was little her husband died this morning of Cancer. His liver then his heart gave out. He was diagnosed with cancer only a few months ago. I didnt even know he had cancer.

I can't believe it, but you know what they say "everything comes in three's" let's hope this time it is wrong not sure if I could handle another death. I mean I wasnt that close to both these ppl but it still is a schocker to find out someone died that you knew.

My gf of 15yrs said the lady who died earlier that I posted about was the 8th person that had died that she knew from school. I was totally blown away by that as that was my first...well now I have my second.

It is hard for me to be upset over death. Especially if the person was ill as we all knew this person would die eventually. It is inevitable. I mean we are all gonna die it is how the person dies that shocks us the most I think.

If a person was ill with a disease that has no cure or the person is old I find it hard to be sad, it is something that you just have to accept cause 1. you can't change it, what is done is done 2. the person was old or sick and they are in a better place now or reincarnated depending on what you believe.

I tend not to cry a lot over things like known-death. I am not afraid of dying....I am afraid of how I will die and the family hurting afterwards. I think death itself is ok what hurts is all the ppl you will leave behind. Knowing the suffering they will go through and how much you yourself will miss them.

I am sure a lot of ppl might comment on this as it is a little off the wall thinking over death.

Did I mention I have no clue how or what to say when someone tells me someone close to them has died....I have no clue what to say as I have a hard time showing sympathy and empathy for someone that I hardly knew or well...even if I knew them.

The last time I cried over a death was my greatgrandmother she past away 1week before my 15th bday. I was close to this woman I lived in her house till the age of 6. So yes I was close to her and that is the last time I remember showing true emotion, except of course for my children.

I wanted to share with you all some kewl little avaters I got and stuff. If any of these belong to someone that you made please feel free to leave me a comment and I will give credit where it is deserved. I received these from emails and different places on yahoo groups etc.

I received in my inbox a very depressing email.

A young girl I went to school with that was criticized for her smarts and her good looks never really fit in to her class. Our group of friends took her under our wings as she had started the school year late. Her father was a doctor and her family was from Korea.

Two strikes against her besides the fact that she was very pretty and smart as a whip. She knew everything in Science and Biology. In fact I wouldn't' be surprised to find out that she was smarter then the teachers who were teaching those exact classes.

I found out today that this young girl who had her whole life ahead of her...and graduated two years before she was supposed to had passed away only a few days ago. I lost touch with her long ago when I was only 19. She went on to go to University and graduate in microbiology.

She was 25 and was living a full life with her partner Jason. She had her entire life ahead of her...it makes it hard to believe someone two years younger then me has passed away. I do not know how she passed away, if it was from some terrible accident. Am still trying to find that out.

It makes me really look at life and makes me wanna spend every moment living it to the fullest as you never know when it is going to end.

I want to send out a prayer to her family and those she has left behind, and I am sorry I had lost touch with her. We were never close but she was a friend and our valedictorian at our Graduation. She will be missed by many and those that didn't get a chance to know her, you missed a wonderful lady.

Here is my new template. Some of you might have already dropped by and noticed the new background but for the rest let me know what you think.

I didn't create this and the credits to who did is in my sidebar so go stop by and see what she's got. Otherwise I am working on learning how to code my own template but it's harder then you might think lol at first.

I am working on another blog currently to get it up and running thank's to LunaStone who provided me the template.

So let me know what you think and perhaps some suggestions on what I could do differently and hey if you have any links to tutorials etc on ways to help me create my own template and skin let me know.

I wanted to share with you all the tattoos I plan on getting this summer. I have gotten over my fear with my tongue piercing as most of you know and finally did it after 9yrs of wanting to.

Now its my turn to get a tattoo also have wanted to get one for years but it seems whenever I have the money for it I am pregnant lol.

Those will be placed on my shoulder one on each side so I will always have the "Devil" and "Angel" looking over my shoulder so to speak.

I am not sure what my next tattoo will be haven't really decided yet but i figure those would be a great start. I don't wanna go all crazy with tattoos but I do plan on getting a tattoo with my gf of 15yrs going on 16. We will get the same tattoo to celebrate our long lasting friendship, of course we still haven't really agreed on which one to get lol go figure.

She's already got a few, ok a few is an understatement. She has a bunch and her first tattoo I was with her and held her hand. Too bad she wont be with me to get my first tattoo, as she lives two provinces away from me and she won't be able to be here for it.

So this summer I will get up my courage to walk in and get these two tattoos on my shoulder.

Any ideas for my next tattoo are always welcome, link me baby!

So here it is lol I thought this picture kind of suited to what I am going to write about.

I am looking at a house today while hubby is still away, I am getting all the paperwork started to getting preapproved for a mortgage and looking at houses that would suit us best. There are a few things that are absolutely non-negotiable when buying a house:

1. Fenced yard
2. Washer
3. Dryer
4. Fridge
5. Stove
6. Preferably a dishwasher not a must but gawd it wouldn't hurt lol
7. Nice decent location
8. Not a crack shack
9. 3 Bedrooms

So those are some of the few things I am looking at when buying a house. Again, except for #6 the remainder is non-negotiable as I have two small children and need a fenced yard. I think getting a house with all appliances already in the house is perfect less money I have to dish out once we move in.

Nothing worse then buying a house then having to go down to the LaundryMat to do your freakin' laundry. So I am going in about an hour to check this one place out and we will go from there.

I have a Bank appt on Thursday to get the preapproval of a mortgage going so we know how much the bank will even give us lol. Would be good if they gave us what we need to buy a decent house, as the houses here have gone from decent price to outrageous for some.

Well I will update you all later. Love and kisses!

PS. Psst Wish me luck *giggles*.

Ok here's the second part to the rant earlier.

I have to say I have been called many things in my life but what hurt the most being called something that I know I am not. If someone calls me a "bitch" that's fine cause I can be.

To call me a "looney", "psycho", "just wrong", those are one of the few things that I am not, I have to admit after being called these horrible things from my husband's sister I felt like showing her just how "psycho" I could be. I had evil thoughts of flying down to where she lived for a day, slice her throat, fly back like nothing happened. I have enough ppl here that would watch my kids for the day and cover my ass at the same time.

I figured that this would require too much energy and time away from my kids that she really isn't worth it, but the thought definitely was there I had it all planned out.

Now my husband called her from work and cussed her out etc and now she thinks she can apologize for this grievous act and everything will be fine.

Well I got news for you lady.....IT WILL NEVER BE OK!!!

So here I sit wondering what will happen in the next 6 months that will change things back to the way it was and how in the world I will ever go there and spend time with them. Honestly I don't want their filthy fingers holding my children. I think I would go off and cut their hands off if they touch my children.

So there it is all out in the open....horrible ppl can say horrible things, and us nice people are expected to just bend over and take it from behind and say thank you without a peep.

Ok here's another rant ....regarding mother's-in-law....do I really need to say more.

Yes I think I do as I have well I don't wanna be mean but she's not the greatest person in the world. If I didn't have to be civil to her I wouldn't associate myself with her at all. I mean she doesn't call unless my husband calls her first to tell her to call him back (she has free long distance), she doesn't send cards or presents for the grandkids, she whines all the time and she honestly I don't think she gives two shits bout her kids.

I mean I have never liked her a whole lot but this past week confirmed the reason why. I won't go into details at is a private matter but OMFG let me tell you just how mad I am, I could spit nails.

The woman had the nerve to call my house and scream at my husband over the phone like he was a 5yr old. I was pissed, 1. No one yells at my husband but me that is my right as I am married to him 2. The reason she yelled at him was uncalled for

His sisters have a terrible habit of saying I have said shit about them or his mom while hubby was on the phone with them...and the stuff they say I have said are absolutely ridiculous as for example anyone who knows me knows I would never use the phrase "suck my crotch" lol if anything I would say "suck my cock". Now all my friends even My family know that, but supposedly I said that about his mom how she could "suck my crotch" lmfao

Well if I would cuss her out I wouldn't choose to tell her to "suck my crotch" my choice of words would be 1. A little bit more mature 2. I would tell her to "suck my cock" if anything 3. Do I really wanna waste my time on a person who lives in her own little world?

Anyways hubby told her off and hopefully it's the last we hear of her she's nothing but trouble, sorry to say but his whole family is. They have done nothing for us since we got together but start fights between us. It is quite pathetic actually.

Well I could go into more detail but the whole situation sickens me and am tired of thinking about it.

TONGUE RING

Ok here's a bad picture of my new 1 day old tongue piercing. Am very proud as I walked out feeling so jazzed bout the whole thing that I almost jumped for joy. Of course if you would know what I went through before that tryin to not cry every time I thought of how much it might hurt. LOL

Ok so I sat down in the chair shaking in my boots (literally) and listening to the lady who was doing it (ok I wasn't really paying attention I admit it) while she was getting ready all I could think of was "what the fuck am I doing here?" lol

So she set up and got my tongue "ready" and tried not to look at the needled (which I can honestly say I DIDN'T). Ok so she tells me to take a deep breath.....and release it slowly as I did that she pushed the needle through and capped the top then put the barbell through....omfg I was fine I didn't pass out....puke....cry....or DROOL!!!

I stepped off the thing excited and feeling like I wanted to hug her but I was afraid of hurting her as I was so fuckin' happy. Anyways my tongue didn't swell up a bit till today when I woke up...but the swelling has gone down for the most part.

Wednesday I go and get my barbell changed to a smaller one as this one is a bit too big (of course) and I am having a hard time chewing lol.

Well I have to say this was a great experience considering I have wanted to get this done for almost 10yrs lol. How sad is that and I had to go by myself, no one to hold my hand...no one to cheer me on nothing...just me :D

Oh well that's it for now...hubby is home for anther 3 days and then he's gone again for 2-4 weeks.

Comments pleaseeeeeee tell me what you think!!

Aight so this post has no title...just a warning...I will be ranting, cursing, swearing and perhaps even wondering why God would let this happen. So unless any of the above offends you keep reading.

So I woke up late today to take S to school, to be exact an hour late so I raced up got ready got the kids ready, ran out to start the van in order to have it warm when we got in. When I got outside I noticed about 10feet of snow (not very good at measurements but that is how it feels out there) and I proceeded to clean off the van...the drive side mostly as that was the direction the wind was coming from. As I came around the van (around the back) I noticed that there was a large break in my back window. I was as you can imagine upset.

So I turned off the van gave up trying to make anything usefull of this day and called the school to let them know that my windshield was busted and I wouldn't be taking the kids anywhere. I would see them again Monday.

Of course I then proceeded to cry as this was very upsetting, how could this be possibly happening. I screamed under my breath "FUCK!!!" and called my husband who of course I couldn't get a hold of as he was at work (sort of, will explain in a minute), then I called my dad as my father would know what to do in a situation like this.

He told me to call the Glass company that does windshields and get an estimate done. I figured it would be $600 but after getting off the phone with the guy he quoted me $377. THANK GOD for that lol at least one thing was gonna go right.

Ok so here comes the next part of my exciting last 24hrs.

So last night I was sitting here waiting for my husband to call me to let me know he's home from work and see how the kids are etc. Well when I hadn't heard from him by 10pm I started to get worried he would usually call me once he got done work and was on his way home (an hour away). Well I called his coworkers room and K answered, I asked him where my husband was and he said "oh he's in the Hospital" my heart skipped a beat...."Excuse me WHAT!"

Ya that's where the convo got interesting. Turns out yesterday around 7pm he had been taken to the Hospital in order to get his back checked as it was hurting pretty badly and company policy is to take the person to the H. Anyways after a few hours there he was told it was a pulled muscle. Weeeeeeeeee GREAT so he will be out of work now for about a week and I have to pay for a windshield out of a one week paycheck on top of our regular bills.

Oh here's the clincher lol you're gonna love this part. I asked the Glass guys what time I could bring it in (remember I have no back windshield) and they said the part would be in tomorrow and I could bring the van in at 3pm. Uhm What the fuck am I supposed to do in the meantime leave it out there to get stolen.....oh boy what a day and when I tried guntaping plastic to the van it wouldn't stick because of course, IT'S FROZEN!!!!

So my day has gone from sleeping in = bad to perhaps not having a van when I wake up in the morning to take it in to get it fixed = worse.

So I refuse to leave my house as well 1. I have no vehicle and there is wayyyy too much snow out there. 2. My luck hasn't gotten any better yet today so I refuse to let badluck get the best of me and leave the house.

So I am not sure how anyone can say anything in my comments section to make me feel better but I doubt it and oh ya...don't tell me your grandparents just died etc as this would 1. honestly not surprise me 2. They were old like you didn't see that coming

The above is a whole other rant lol that I could get into and it would surely surprise some people that I would even think this way. Besides this is about me so if you're gonna whine about your day...please don't my day has been bad enough without having to listen to other people try to out-badluck me.

Sorry for being so rude but I have had enough today...not sure how much more I can take before I really lose it on a person and hurt their feelings (which again honestly wouldn't bother me today lmfao).

EBAY!!!

Ok so I haven't been very active on my blog these past few days as I have been spending most of my time living on ebay. Go figure I have won lots of great items I have to say for dirt cheap lol.

I have to say it can get out of hand lol speaking from personal experiences. So I will be back again for the next week till next payday lmfao.

Ok if you have any great stories you wanna share with me or not so great regarding your experiences on ebay go for it would love to hear that I am not the only addicted person on this planet.

It's been a little while since I last posted so perhaps I should keep everyone updated. Nothing much has happened. LOL go figure right you start reading expecting some amazing news of why this person hasn't done a new blog in a few days and they got NOTHING!

Well tomorrow is a big day am nervous, excited and scared all at the same time....it's S's first day at Kindergarten arghhhhhhhhh

I have already packed her lunch and it's waiting for her in the fridge for tomorrow morning. I also have to remember to set my alarm as the last time I was up at 7am for a good reason I was getting paid for it and I had to get ready for work...and let's just say its been a while.

So I will get up at 7am have a shower then get the kids up and dressed, breakfast done and out the door to school we go. It's my little baby's first day and I just know I will blubber like a little baby.

She's my baby, ok well she's almost 4 and it's time to cut the umbilical cord I know and I still have little J in the house to keep me busy as he is a handful let me tell you lol. This is my little girl going off to school. I have always dreaded this day from the day I gave birth to her as I have pretty much always been home with her or she was at a friends house with her little boy while I was at work so I wasn't really worried, but now it's SCHOOL.

Well as you can see I have great anxiety over this matter as I am not sure how she is gonna react it could go either way. She will either not wanna leave and go inside with the other kids (which of course will make me cry as I will feel like I have to abandon her somewhere she don't wanna go), or the other option is she will forget I even exist and run off to be with the other kids and I will be left standing there with a dumb look on my face thinking "wow, no kiss bye no hug she's just gone". Either way I will cry hysterically lol.

Well that's all I have for now, oh ya hubby is scheduled to come home sometime between the 15th of March and the end of March. So I will have to also pack my digital camera to take pictures of my little girl at her first day at school. *CRIES*

Ok ok I am fine I swear, promise I will live and I will get sleep tonight no matter what (gives a look of bullshit), I won't sleep a wink I can tell you that much. LOL

Well leave me comments please I could use the support of other parents out there with their first day at school experiences. I am sure I will be back tomorrow night flogging bout her first day at school and what happened, besides the fact of me crying hysterically all the way home.