I know I know it's been a while since I last posted but life in the Shaffer house has been insane.

We had to take our S to the city 3hrs away to get her assessed. Her assessment came back that she has autistic disorder. It was the hardest for me to deal with the news. As any parent would know that there is nothing worse then having someone tell you something is wrong with your child.

We have now started all the paperwork for funding through our govt to get her a speech therapist, a special aid for school. The school has been wonderful as they are putting her in full time so she can be around kids and learn to socialize with them.

There are many things that are happening all at once and its exhausting but hubby and I are hopeful that she will be ok and be able to hold a job and live a somewhat normal life. We have read the different parts of autism and the characteristics of it and we are grateful that she doesn't have the extreme behavioral problems or twitching, etc. She basically has the delayed speech as her maine one that we have to get outside help with. Also her social skills are lacking so she is gonna be a busy girl with activities to get her out there socializing and interacting with other kids.

It seems she will start soccer soon (lmfao I am gonna be a soccer mom afterall) and in the fall we will start her on bowling as she loves that and her Opa will coach her.

Everything will be ok we are certain of that as we are working so very hard to do everything in our powers to get her to be ok and develop somewhat normal with her peers.

So that is where I have been in the last little while. Sorry I didn't tell anyone where I was going. Only one person knew where I had disappeared to.

Here is the other two pictures that it wouldn't let me post previous. Enjoy Aunty Rina....we lovee youuuuuuuu!! Smooches

Here are some pictures of S playing with her new toy that she received yesterday from her Aunty Rina. This is the GoGo TV Game.

She absolutely loves it. Thank you Aunty Rina!

A new toy that even mommy can play with the kids that isnt horribly boring lol after 5min.

Another death around me....do I look like the Grimm Reaper? Just curious.

So a friends of my mom's who used to babysit me when I was little her husband died this morning of Cancer. His liver then his heart gave out. He was diagnosed with cancer only a few months ago. I didnt even know he had cancer.

I can't believe it, but you know what they say "everything comes in three's" let's hope this time it is wrong not sure if I could handle another death. I mean I wasnt that close to both these ppl but it still is a schocker to find out someone died that you knew.

My gf of 15yrs said the lady who died earlier that I posted about was the 8th person that had died that she knew from school. I was totally blown away by that as that was my first...well now I have my second.

It is hard for me to be upset over death. Especially if the person was ill as we all knew this person would die eventually. It is inevitable. I mean we are all gonna die it is how the person dies that shocks us the most I think.

If a person was ill with a disease that has no cure or the person is old I find it hard to be sad, it is something that you just have to accept cause 1. you can't change it, what is done is done 2. the person was old or sick and they are in a better place now or reincarnated depending on what you believe.

I tend not to cry a lot over things like known-death. I am not afraid of dying....I am afraid of how I will die and the family hurting afterwards. I think death itself is ok what hurts is all the ppl you will leave behind. Knowing the suffering they will go through and how much you yourself will miss them.

I am sure a lot of ppl might comment on this as it is a little off the wall thinking over death.

Did I mention I have no clue how or what to say when someone tells me someone close to them has died....I have no clue what to say as I have a hard time showing sympathy and empathy for someone that I hardly knew or well...even if I knew them.

The last time I cried over a death was my greatgrandmother she past away 1week before my 15th bday. I was close to this woman I lived in her house till the age of 6. So yes I was close to her and that is the last time I remember showing true emotion, except of course for my children.

I wanted to share with you all some kewl little avaters I got and stuff. If any of these belong to someone that you made please feel free to leave me a comment and I will give credit where it is deserved. I received these from emails and different places on yahoo groups etc.

I received in my inbox a very depressing email.

A young girl I went to school with that was criticized for her smarts and her good looks never really fit in to her class. Our group of friends took her under our wings as she had started the school year late. Her father was a doctor and her family was from Korea.

Two strikes against her besides the fact that she was very pretty and smart as a whip. She knew everything in Science and Biology. In fact I wouldn't' be surprised to find out that she was smarter then the teachers who were teaching those exact classes.

I found out today that this young girl who had her whole life ahead of her...and graduated two years before she was supposed to had passed away only a few days ago. I lost touch with her long ago when I was only 19. She went on to go to University and graduate in microbiology.

She was 25 and was living a full life with her partner Jason. She had her entire life ahead of her...it makes it hard to believe someone two years younger then me has passed away. I do not know how she passed away, if it was from some terrible accident. Am still trying to find that out.

It makes me really look at life and makes me wanna spend every moment living it to the fullest as you never know when it is going to end.

I want to send out a prayer to her family and those she has left behind, and I am sorry I had lost touch with her. We were never close but she was a friend and our valedictorian at our Graduation. She will be missed by many and those that didn't get a chance to know her, you missed a wonderful lady.

Here is my new template. Some of you might have already dropped by and noticed the new background but for the rest let me know what you think.

I didn't create this and the credits to who did is in my sidebar so go stop by and see what she's got. Otherwise I am working on learning how to code my own template but it's harder then you might think lol at first.

I am working on another blog currently to get it up and running thank's to LunaStone who provided me the template.

So let me know what you think and perhaps some suggestions on what I could do differently and hey if you have any links to tutorials etc on ways to help me create my own template and skin let me know.

I wanted to share with you all the tattoos I plan on getting this summer. I have gotten over my fear with my tongue piercing as most of you know and finally did it after 9yrs of wanting to.

Now its my turn to get a tattoo also have wanted to get one for years but it seems whenever I have the money for it I am pregnant lol.

Those will be placed on my shoulder one on each side so I will always have the "Devil" and "Angel" looking over my shoulder so to speak.

I am not sure what my next tattoo will be haven't really decided yet but i figure those would be a great start. I don't wanna go all crazy with tattoos but I do plan on getting a tattoo with my gf of 15yrs going on 16. We will get the same tattoo to celebrate our long lasting friendship, of course we still haven't really agreed on which one to get lol go figure.

She's already got a few, ok a few is an understatement. She has a bunch and her first tattoo I was with her and held her hand. Too bad she wont be with me to get my first tattoo, as she lives two provinces away from me and she won't be able to be here for it.

So this summer I will get up my courage to walk in and get these two tattoos on my shoulder.

Any ideas for my next tattoo are always welcome, link me baby!

So here it is lol I thought this picture kind of suited to what I am going to write about.

I am looking at a house today while hubby is still away, I am getting all the paperwork started to getting preapproved for a mortgage and looking at houses that would suit us best. There are a few things that are absolutely non-negotiable when buying a house:

1. Fenced yard
2. Washer
3. Dryer
4. Fridge
5. Stove
6. Preferably a dishwasher not a must but gawd it wouldn't hurt lol
7. Nice decent location
8. Not a crack shack
9. 3 Bedrooms

So those are some of the few things I am looking at when buying a house. Again, except for #6 the remainder is non-negotiable as I have two small children and need a fenced yard. I think getting a house with all appliances already in the house is perfect less money I have to dish out once we move in.

Nothing worse then buying a house then having to go down to the LaundryMat to do your freakin' laundry. So I am going in about an hour to check this one place out and we will go from there.

I have a Bank appt on Thursday to get the preapproval of a mortgage going so we know how much the bank will even give us lol. Would be good if they gave us what we need to buy a decent house, as the houses here have gone from decent price to outrageous for some.

Well I will update you all later. Love and kisses!

PS. Psst Wish me luck *giggles*.

Ok here's the second part to the rant earlier.

I have to say I have been called many things in my life but what hurt the most being called something that I know I am not. If someone calls me a "bitch" that's fine cause I can be.

To call me a "looney", "psycho", "just wrong", those are one of the few things that I am not, I have to admit after being called these horrible things from my husband's sister I felt like showing her just how "psycho" I could be. I had evil thoughts of flying down to where she lived for a day, slice her throat, fly back like nothing happened. I have enough ppl here that would watch my kids for the day and cover my ass at the same time.

I figured that this would require too much energy and time away from my kids that she really isn't worth it, but the thought definitely was there I had it all planned out.

Now my husband called her from work and cussed her out etc and now she thinks she can apologize for this grievous act and everything will be fine.

Well I got news for you lady.....IT WILL NEVER BE OK!!!

So here I sit wondering what will happen in the next 6 months that will change things back to the way it was and how in the world I will ever go there and spend time with them. Honestly I don't want their filthy fingers holding my children. I think I would go off and cut their hands off if they touch my children.

So there it is all out in the open....horrible ppl can say horrible things, and us nice people are expected to just bend over and take it from behind and say thank you without a peep.

Ok here's another rant ....regarding mother's-in-law....do I really need to say more.

Yes I think I do as I have well I don't wanna be mean but she's not the greatest person in the world. If I didn't have to be civil to her I wouldn't associate myself with her at all. I mean she doesn't call unless my husband calls her first to tell her to call him back (she has free long distance), she doesn't send cards or presents for the grandkids, she whines all the time and she honestly I don't think she gives two shits bout her kids.

I mean I have never liked her a whole lot but this past week confirmed the reason why. I won't go into details at is a private matter but OMFG let me tell you just how mad I am, I could spit nails.

The woman had the nerve to call my house and scream at my husband over the phone like he was a 5yr old. I was pissed, 1. No one yells at my husband but me that is my right as I am married to him 2. The reason she yelled at him was uncalled for

His sisters have a terrible habit of saying I have said shit about them or his mom while hubby was on the phone with them...and the stuff they say I have said are absolutely ridiculous as for example anyone who knows me knows I would never use the phrase "suck my crotch" lol if anything I would say "suck my cock". Now all my friends even My family know that, but supposedly I said that about his mom how she could "suck my crotch" lmfao

Well if I would cuss her out I wouldn't choose to tell her to "suck my crotch" my choice of words would be 1. A little bit more mature 2. I would tell her to "suck my cock" if anything 3. Do I really wanna waste my time on a person who lives in her own little world?

Anyways hubby told her off and hopefully it's the last we hear of her she's nothing but trouble, sorry to say but his whole family is. They have done nothing for us since we got together but start fights between us. It is quite pathetic actually.

Well I could go into more detail but the whole situation sickens me and am tired of thinking about it.

TONGUE RING

Ok here's a bad picture of my new 1 day old tongue piercing. Am very proud as I walked out feeling so jazzed bout the whole thing that I almost jumped for joy. Of course if you would know what I went through before that tryin to not cry every time I thought of how much it might hurt. LOL

Ok so I sat down in the chair shaking in my boots (literally) and listening to the lady who was doing it (ok I wasn't really paying attention I admit it) while she was getting ready all I could think of was "what the fuck am I doing here?" lol

So she set up and got my tongue "ready" and tried not to look at the needled (which I can honestly say I DIDN'T). Ok so she tells me to take a deep breath.....and release it slowly as I did that she pushed the needle through and capped the top then put the barbell through....omfg I was fine I didn't pass out....puke....cry....or DROOL!!!

I stepped off the thing excited and feeling like I wanted to hug her but I was afraid of hurting her as I was so fuckin' happy. Anyways my tongue didn't swell up a bit till today when I woke up...but the swelling has gone down for the most part.

Wednesday I go and get my barbell changed to a smaller one as this one is a bit too big (of course) and I am having a hard time chewing lol.

Well I have to say this was a great experience considering I have wanted to get this done for almost 10yrs lol. How sad is that and I had to go by myself, no one to hold my hand...no one to cheer me on nothing...just me :D

Oh well that's it for now...hubby is home for anther 3 days and then he's gone again for 2-4 weeks.

Comments pleaseeeeeee tell me what you think!!

Aight so this post has no title...just a warning...I will be ranting, cursing, swearing and perhaps even wondering why God would let this happen. So unless any of the above offends you keep reading.

So I woke up late today to take S to school, to be exact an hour late so I raced up got ready got the kids ready, ran out to start the van in order to have it warm when we got in. When I got outside I noticed about 10feet of snow (not very good at measurements but that is how it feels out there) and I proceeded to clean off the van...the drive side mostly as that was the direction the wind was coming from. As I came around the van (around the back) I noticed that there was a large break in my back window. I was as you can imagine upset.

So I turned off the van gave up trying to make anything usefull of this day and called the school to let them know that my windshield was busted and I wouldn't be taking the kids anywhere. I would see them again Monday.

Of course I then proceeded to cry as this was very upsetting, how could this be possibly happening. I screamed under my breath "FUCK!!!" and called my husband who of course I couldn't get a hold of as he was at work (sort of, will explain in a minute), then I called my dad as my father would know what to do in a situation like this.

He told me to call the Glass company that does windshields and get an estimate done. I figured it would be $600 but after getting off the phone with the guy he quoted me $377. THANK GOD for that lol at least one thing was gonna go right.

Ok so here comes the next part of my exciting last 24hrs.

So last night I was sitting here waiting for my husband to call me to let me know he's home from work and see how the kids are etc. Well when I hadn't heard from him by 10pm I started to get worried he would usually call me once he got done work and was on his way home (an hour away). Well I called his coworkers room and K answered, I asked him where my husband was and he said "oh he's in the Hospital" my heart skipped a beat...."Excuse me WHAT!"

Ya that's where the convo got interesting. Turns out yesterday around 7pm he had been taken to the Hospital in order to get his back checked as it was hurting pretty badly and company policy is to take the person to the H. Anyways after a few hours there he was told it was a pulled muscle. Weeeeeeeeee GREAT so he will be out of work now for about a week and I have to pay for a windshield out of a one week paycheck on top of our regular bills.

Oh here's the clincher lol you're gonna love this part. I asked the Glass guys what time I could bring it in (remember I have no back windshield) and they said the part would be in tomorrow and I could bring the van in at 3pm. Uhm What the fuck am I supposed to do in the meantime leave it out there to get stolen.....oh boy what a day and when I tried guntaping plastic to the van it wouldn't stick because of course, IT'S FROZEN!!!!

So my day has gone from sleeping in = bad to perhaps not having a van when I wake up in the morning to take it in to get it fixed = worse.

So I refuse to leave my house as well 1. I have no vehicle and there is wayyyy too much snow out there. 2. My luck hasn't gotten any better yet today so I refuse to let badluck get the best of me and leave the house.

So I am not sure how anyone can say anything in my comments section to make me feel better but I doubt it and oh ya...don't tell me your grandparents just died etc as this would 1. honestly not surprise me 2. They were old like you didn't see that coming

The above is a whole other rant lol that I could get into and it would surely surprise some people that I would even think this way. Besides this is about me so if you're gonna whine about your day...please don't my day has been bad enough without having to listen to other people try to out-badluck me.

Sorry for being so rude but I have had enough today...not sure how much more I can take before I really lose it on a person and hurt their feelings (which again honestly wouldn't bother me today lmfao).

EBAY!!!

Ok so I haven't been very active on my blog these past few days as I have been spending most of my time living on ebay. Go figure I have won lots of great items I have to say for dirt cheap lol.

I have to say it can get out of hand lol speaking from personal experiences. So I will be back again for the next week till next payday lmfao.

Ok if you have any great stories you wanna share with me or not so great regarding your experiences on ebay go for it would love to hear that I am not the only addicted person on this planet.

It's been a little while since I last posted so perhaps I should keep everyone updated. Nothing much has happened. LOL go figure right you start reading expecting some amazing news of why this person hasn't done a new blog in a few days and they got NOTHING!

Well tomorrow is a big day am nervous, excited and scared all at the same time....it's S's first day at Kindergarten arghhhhhhhhh

I have already packed her lunch and it's waiting for her in the fridge for tomorrow morning. I also have to remember to set my alarm as the last time I was up at 7am for a good reason I was getting paid for it and I had to get ready for work...and let's just say its been a while.

So I will get up at 7am have a shower then get the kids up and dressed, breakfast done and out the door to school we go. It's my little baby's first day and I just know I will blubber like a little baby.

She's my baby, ok well she's almost 4 and it's time to cut the umbilical cord I know and I still have little J in the house to keep me busy as he is a handful let me tell you lol. This is my little girl going off to school. I have always dreaded this day from the day I gave birth to her as I have pretty much always been home with her or she was at a friends house with her little boy while I was at work so I wasn't really worried, but now it's SCHOOL.

Well as you can see I have great anxiety over this matter as I am not sure how she is gonna react it could go either way. She will either not wanna leave and go inside with the other kids (which of course will make me cry as I will feel like I have to abandon her somewhere she don't wanna go), or the other option is she will forget I even exist and run off to be with the other kids and I will be left standing there with a dumb look on my face thinking "wow, no kiss bye no hug she's just gone". Either way I will cry hysterically lol.

Well that's all I have for now, oh ya hubby is scheduled to come home sometime between the 15th of March and the end of March. So I will have to also pack my digital camera to take pictures of my little girl at her first day at school. *CRIES*

Ok ok I am fine I swear, promise I will live and I will get sleep tonight no matter what (gives a look of bullshit), I won't sleep a wink I can tell you that much. LOL

Well leave me comments please I could use the support of other parents out there with their first day at school experiences. I am sure I will be back tomorrow night flogging bout her first day at school and what happened, besides the fact of me crying hysterically all the way home.

Ok here is something I want all you who come visit my site regularly or just those passing through in that 20second time span to check out. Here it is and the link BlogParty

Attention Bloggers - Win $250!

February 15th, 2006

BlogParty is a new network of sites that help leverage your blog, but we need help getting the message out there. How about some motivation? How about the chance to win $250 for writting an entry in your blog about BlogParty with a link back to www.blogparty.net?

Easy enough?

First, make a post to your blog about BlogParty with a link back to www.BlogParty.net. Verbose or short - sweet or critical - wordy or terse - it makes no difference - it is your blog and you post with your normal style. Only one entry per blog! However, as many entries as you have blogs - as long as it is only one entry per blog.

Second, add a comment to this post and enter your post’s PermaLink. Use the email you wish us to contact you with when submitting the comment. Also, don’t forget to opt-in to the BlogParty newsletter. Of course you are not obligated, but heck - we are here to help you and your blog, so why not?

Third, wait till March 15, 2006. On that date, we will select ONE blog that still has the link active and that we are able to contact via email (If you give us a bad email - how are we going to let you know you won??). The selected blog’s owner will be the winner of $250 paid via PayPal.

Check it out I did and who knows I could always use money in my paypal account for my ebay account.

This was given to me by a good friend regarding our months and our personalities. Well I have to say as you can read below it speaks true for me almost completely.

Here is more of me sharing with you about me.

October

Loves to chat - uhm how true ask rina lol

Loves those who love him/her - yep only hate those that hate me first

Loves to take things at the centre

Attractive and suave - I like to think so and I don't really care who begs to differ lol

Inner and physical beauty - I have a great personality till you rub me the wrong way

Does not lie or pretend - what good does it to...eventually the liar gets caught, no point

Symapthetic - ok that one I have to differ with as I hate sympathy lol unless it is dully needed

Treats friends importantly - those that are true friends deserve it

Always making friends - unless it's LS1 lol

Easily hurt but recovers easily - yep no point crying over spilt milk "suck it up princess"

Daydreamer - yep true

Very opinionated - gee like ya'll didn't know that already lol

Does not care what others think - hence why Bit's forum don't bother me one bit :D

Emotional - I can be depending on situation

Decisive - yep

Strong clairvoyance - wow didn't expect that to be mentioned : ask hubby and rina bout that

Loves to travel, the arts and literature - gawd do I ever

Soft-spoken, loving and caring Romantic - ya I do love the mushy crap

Touchy and easily jealous Concerned - yep : I get horribly jealous

Loves outdoors - I used to go camping, haven't been since I had kids will have to go again soon

Just and Fair - well I am a Libra ffs

Spend thrift and easily influenced - gawd I love to shop hence why I am an ebay addict

Easily lose confidence - yep something has to work the first time otherwise "hammer time"

Loves children - I do, well sometimes lol jk I used to work in a daycare with 20 kids a day it was insane lol

This is a story written for another contest (I know ppl just bare with me would ya this is what I got take it or leave it lol) mystickal Incense I hope you all enjoy this and if you don't...too bad it's posted till I post again.

It was a cold rainy day and Sarah was walking down the street looking in closed store shops wondering where her life was going. It was definitely not as she had planned at her young age of 27 she had planned to be married by 25 and have had started a family by now. Yet she was living in a one bedroom apartment alone (and it wasn't even that nice of an apartment) she had a few friend's from work other then that she had no one else.

She walked past a small Diner that had barely any lights on it was so dark and gloomy you almost could mistake it for being Closed. There was a shape sitting in a booth starring outside. She couldn't make out who it was but she noticed he was looking right at her. As soon as she realized it she quickly looked away, when out of the corner of her eye she seen this shape get up and walk over to the door. She now started to get nervous she was a young female late at night out on the street...what if this guy was a murderer or rapist. She began to walk, fast when she heard a voice call out to her "Sarah?".

She stopped but did not turn around as she couldn't figure out who this person was...she thought bout his voice if she recognized it, nothing.

"Sarah!" He yelled louder.

She turned and realized who this person was with the dark hair standing a good 6' in height wearing a long coat drenched with rain.

"John? Oh my I haven't seen you in years what have you been up to? What brings you to this small city?"

She then realized that she had asked way too many questions, she began to giggle uncontrollably.

"I am so sorry for bombarding you, you just surprised me is all."

"It's ok Sarah I am actually glad to see you. I have been thinking a lot about you lately."

"You have?"

She said surprised, since the last time they saw each other they were standing at the Alter her in a beautiful flowing wedding gown with real pearls stitched threw it and a vail to die for. Then there was John dressed in a suit that made his deep blue eyes stand out and his dark hair was lightly tussled as he was nervous. Then she remembered what happened just as they were to start their vows....she looked into those deep eyes and said in the most honest way possible that she couldn't get married this day.

That was basically the last she had seen of him, their relationship afterwards had never been the same again, he couldn't understand why she didn't go through with it if she loved him as he had no doubt in his mind he loved her otherwise he wouldn't have proposed.

"How have you been Sarah? I have missed you."

She looked at him and couldn't tell him that she hadn't been doing anything important and every night she cried herself to sleep for making the biggest mistake of her life, letting this man go and not stopping him no matter how many chances he had given her to explain what was going on.

"You know, this and that. I started a new job at the newspaper in town. Just an editor but I am having fun."

"That's good Sarah I am happy for you."

He hadn't been happy since the day he had moved out of their place they had built together, the memories they had made and the place he had hoped they would raise their children in. He missed holding her but she had broken his heart the day she told him at the Alter she couldn't marry him without explanation. He was uncertain whether he could do that again.

"Sarah I think we need to talk, in fact I have been trying to figure out how to get a hold of you and talk to you about that day."

"I know John, I have been thinking that as well, I just don't know what to tell you or how to explain something I don't even understand."

He took her by the arm and led her inside the Diner where it was dry and warm. She sat down at the booth he had been sitting at when he stepped over to the gentlemen behind the counter and ordered them both coffee's, he didn't have to ask how she liked it as he still remember even after all this time how she took her coffee. He came back to the table and sat down across from her, just starring at her wondering what had happened between them.

"John..."

"Sarah, please let me go first there are some things I have been wanting to tell you for a very long time and have not been practicing on how to say them and what words to use."

"Sarah." He took her hands in his and he continued.

"I have loved you since the day I laid eyes on you at college that first semester or Journalism class. I knew that moment when you walked in all uncertain and holding your books tight that I would love you forever no matter what would happen between us. That still holds true no matter what happened that day in church I will never stop loving you. Now I wanna explain to you why I left."

"John please." She had tears flowing down her cheeks holding his hand she remembered that day oh so well it almost pained her to go back to that moment.

"John please let me explain as I am the one that started all this that day not you. You did the right thing by leaving me as neither one of us was the same again afterwards. I do love you, John that is the first thing I want to say. I have never stopped loving you and I wanted nothing more then to be your wife, but I realized something that day standing at the Alter, all of our family's there and friends the priest. I realized that I am not worthy of such a wonderful man, there are things about me John that you don't know, in fact no one knows."

"Sarah, whatever it is, you know I will stand beside you no matter what. You are the perfect one for me always have been, no matter what you think you did or did wrong I am sure it's nothing."

"John, no you don't understand I have done something horrible that I don't think you will ever see me the same way again."

"What is it Sarah, please your breaking my heart by not telling me."

She took a deep breath and just jumped head first.

"John, when I was 15 I gave birth to a little girl. I gave her up for adoption as it was wrong for a young girl of that age to have a child and to raise it. No man would want me if I had a child. Well that day I realized when we were standing at that Alter that I could not get married with this secret hanging over our lives. I always had dreamed that someday I could find my little girl and have her be my Maid of honor at my Wedding. She was tore out of my hands in the hospital. I never got to say goodbye."

"Oh Sarah." He came around the booth and took her in his arms. He just held her and weeped with her.

"Sarah, I love you and we can get through this together, you are never alone as long as I am in your heart."

"John, I feel so horrible for making you feel the way you have, pushing you away, hurting you."

He holds her closer and gently brushing her hair back. He pulls up her chin so her mouth aligns with his. He looks deep into her eyes to show her how much he loves her and will never leave her again no matter how hard she pushes him. He kisses her gently, the taste of tears against his lips knowing now that everything will be fine from now on.

She has craved his touch his kiss for so long and there it was, the acceptance of her secret and her shame finally she felt free to love once again openly and never again would she be afraid of what the uncertainty would hold.

OBSESSION WITH PORN?

Here is a question for all you out there: what is the obsession with porn. I mean if you think about it logically all these women who are on there are someone's daughter. Now would you want your daughter on there doing what these women do?

Personally I don't see what the great fascination is with it. I mean I have a little girl and I could not imagine finding out 20yrs down the road that she is doing porn and selling herself in this way. I feel for all those parents out there that have their daughters doing this. Of course for men to be in porn movies it is a completely different thing (double standards what a surprise). For men it is "Wow you are awesome dude, you get to sleep with woman and be in movies and get paid". For woman it is much different.

We look at woman in porn movies as "sluts", "whores", selling their bodies for money. On one hand it is their bodies and they can do what they want with it and it is their own lives they are putting at risk of getting diseases etc. On the other hand, what is the great obsession with men and watching these movies?

I have asked several men regarding this matter (yes I have gotten strange looks and strange debates) and the answer is always the same, "its something else to look at".

Now for a single male to watch porn I can understand why you do it, but for married men why? Explain this to me as I just don't understand it. You have a woman there that you love and perhaps has had a few kids doesn't quite look the way she did before hand with a few stretchmarks etc. This can be quite degrading for this woman as she may feel less attractive as you are busy watching porn and these woman are skinny, most with big tits and will do some impossible things that the average female wouldn't do.

Now some woman try hard to please their husbands but yet these men are drawn to porn like fly to shit. I don't comprehend this matter.

If anyone has any ideas why this may be, as currently all I seem to get is the same answer and it does not satisfy my curiosity of this matter. If I get a proper answer out of a male I might stop asking my male friends this question.

QUIZZZZZ

1) Single or Taken: Taken
2) Your Age: 27
3) Sign: Libra
4) Siblings: 1 brother
5) Hair color: medium brown
6) Eye color: Blue
7) Shoe size: 8
8) Full name as stated on birth certificate: Kathrin Daniela

R e l a t i o n s h i p s:
1. Who is your best friend(s)?: Melanie and Rina
2. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: married

S t u f f:
1. Where is your favorite place to shop: uhm without much of a choice...wal mart lol only decent place in town
2. Do you have any piercings?:Yes

S p e c i f i c s:
1. Have you ever done drugs?: Yep
2. What kind of shampoo do you use?: Whatever is in my bathroom
3. What are you most scared of?: Spiders
5. Who is the last person that called you?: Hubby
6. Where do you want to get married?: Well if I had to do it over again....who am I kidding I dont wanna get married again...just wanna have a Honeymoon lol
7. How many buddies are online right now?: 2
8. What would you change about yourself?: Outside or inside hmmm well outside I would look like I did when I was 21 (I was hot) and on the inside more patience

H a v e Y o u E v e r:
1. Given anyone a bath?: Yes uhm remember I have kids
2. Smoked?: Yes

3. Bungee jumped?: No
4. Made yourself throw up?: no
5. Skinny dipped?:No

6: Ever been in love?:Yes
7. Lied to get out of trouble?: Yes
8. Pictured your crush naked?: Uhm does my husband have to read this (YES I have pictured him naked but not telling who he is :O maybe its a she)
9. Actually seen your crush naked?: YES
10. Cried when someone died?: Yes
11. Fallen for your best friend?: Yes
12. Been rejected?: Yes but uhm he aint around to tell about it *maniacal laugh*
13. Rejected someone?: Ya I mean otherwise I wouldn't be with my hubby
14. Used someone?: maybe
15. Done something you regret?: Regret is for the weak of heart...and let's face it regretting isn't gonna change what has happened

C u r r e n t:
-Clothes: comfy pants and tshirt
-Hair: ponytail
-Book you're reading: The Rule of Four by Ian Caldwell & Dustin Thomason
-In cd player: Mixed CD
-In dvd player: Pick a Disney movie its probably in there :

L a s t P e r s o n:
-You touched: My son-Hugged: Daughter
-You imed: Rina

A r e Y o u:-Understanding: Yeah I think so-Open-minded: I think so
-Arrogant: No
-Insecure: At times
-Random: Sometimes
-Hungry: No
-Smart: yep
-Moody: YES
-Hard working: I have two kids one has a learning disability and the other is like his father nuff said
-Organized: You bet
-Difficult: oh yes, I can be
-Bored easily: yes
-Obsessed:yes very much so

R a n d o m:
-In the morning I am: tired
-All I need is: family aka hubby and kids
-I dream about: Hubby coming home early

O p p o s i t e S e x:
-What do you notice first: hair
-Last person you danced with: kids we danced to shrek
-Who do you have a crush on: Hubby
-Who has a crush on you: Hubby

D o Y o u E v e r:
-Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to come on?:no I just wait for my hubby to call me soI sit by the phone which happens to be by the computer lol

-Wish you were younger: No
-Cried because someone said something to you?: yes

N u m b e r:
Of times I have had my heart broken:3x
Of hearts I have broken:don't know didn't stick around long enough to find out lol
Of continents I have lived in: 2
Of cds I own: oh 50 or so
Of scars on my body: chicken pox a few other then that not really

F i n a l Q u e s t i o n s:
1. Do you like fillings these out?: no too many questions
2. Gold or silver: silver (despite me wearing a gold diamond and my wedding band that is gold lol
3. What was the last film you saw at the movies?: Movies what are those...big screen no Disney huh unheard of lol

Hope you enjoy this